August 4, 2016

RANTS // Disappointed.

What worse more than disappointment?
For me personally, nothing worse more than disappointmen
I'd rather be upset, angry, and done with it than swallow my disappointment.
((I swear this makes me look so sappy but this thing is kind of my stress reliever, so please if you cringe because of any words I've said above or you just disgust about it, please stop reading LOL))

So, it turned out after I posted my 12am and complaining post yesterday, the story still went on.
Everyone already knew the story. The person that I had been talking about, actually knew about me and everything, since forever ago? Surprised? Absolutely. Upset? Obviously. Sad? Very. 
No, its not because he knows and I dont like his reaction. Its not at all. I had already knew how he would react. The thing that bugging on my mind is why is it only me who dont know? The one who had the secrets and stuff.
Is it just me who's not being sensitive or is it just me who being overconfident, act like he didnt know and only me that one step ahead in front of him? Maybe, its a possibility. Or maybe its just me who never get suspicious or is he just being so clever to hide everything he knows.
What makes me sad is a question appears in my mind "Did I trust wrong people?" I thought I would never question myself like that because so far, my friends are reliable and trustworthy. At least, thats what I thought. But maybe, for some reasons, they're not like that.
This is the second time I share my curhat in this blog about being lied, by my own friends. Unfortunately, the first one had been deleted by me. No, actually I just hide it in my drafts hahaha I dont even expect I would write the same topic for the second time. 
What upsets me is why am I being so stupid? so fool and gullible? HAHA I swear I feel so dumb to accept the fact that I didnt get suspicious of everything, I didnt know if my friends are pretending in front of me, provoking me to say the truth.
And why every single curhatan or story I've told to this friend of mine, is being told straightly to the person? When I have no intention to let him know. I only just wanna complain and curhat as normal people. But he told him everything. It sounds like its better if I told him myself right? Not by someone as a media. 
But this guy told me to not being upset to his friend, just be angry to him. Not to his friend that share him everything I've told him. But how I can even? I need time. Maybe I am upset, but believe me if I do, I'd never be sinking in it for such a long time.
I cant if he told me to be upset only with his friend. I also hate him for being so nosy. He said he had trust issue with me but turns out, he made me to have the trust issue with him. One thing that I resent the most is being lied. 
Omg, I've talked too much hahaha. But seriously, if youre disgusted by everything I've written, you dont have to continue to read the whole story. Trust me. I'm okay if you guys dont wanna read it, as long as I can tell everything and be relieved. 
These are the reason why I am so upset:
1. Why do they have to lie?
2. Why he has to leak every single story?
3. Why do I have to be so stupid?
4. Why do I found out like right now?
5. Am I wrong for believing on someone?
6. Nothing, its only 5 LOL
Yeah, my resentment maybe isnt as bad as yesterday, but the disappointed feeling is still the same. However, its still there. I am afraid that this disappointment would make me stop trusting someone. Maybe I have to sort any kind of stories I wanna share, the kind that would get good comments for me. I know I'm not that kind of person who can keep something by myself. Because of that, I am concerned. How it would be in the future if I've already felt this disappointed?

Alright, maybe its a lesson for me. I wont forget it of course. I made this post also to remind me. Sorry for wasting your time reading my complain yang menye2, sok sokan, dan bikin ilfil HAHA

((So, I've decided to change this post into English. I have my own reason, but I swear to God, the content is still the same, actually I add something too hahaha but there's no big difference in the text))